Almost 3 years later....  I am currently 307 lbs.  My little girl is an angel, and my boy is my inspiration.  I have a rock solid marriage,  because I love my wife more than anything and will do anything for her.

I lost my mother in January this year.  It has been a tough 2014, but it is beginning to turn around.

I miss talking to my mother, but I can feel her strength in me, and I know that I make her proud everyday.  I have practicing Judo for the last almost year with my son.  And I recently just started training for my second 5K.  So I have the exercise part of my life under way...  But I stlll have a large demon to fight....  I am sabotaging myself with food.  I finally understand that I have a fear of failure that if I drop below 300 pounds, and somehow get back to that number, that I will be a failure.

This is my first dragon to slay....  Time to punch my fear in the face and be the man that I am supposed to be.

Well.... It has been a long time....

Update: I am currently @ 323 lbs. (Not Good). My wife is due next month with a little girl. And I have started another new job last month.....

I still have the number 275 stuck in my head and now it is even further away.... I am going to take this one day at a time and "win" each day.

Onward and hopefully downward.

Well, I'm still around. I have lost 5 of my 50 pounds that I would like to lose this year. I am having difficulty getting to the gym. Need to be more organized with my time and get there. I am most likely heading to Myrtle Beach in early July and would like to be under 300 by then. That is asking a lot and I need to stop eating out so much. Just making too many excuses....

Well it has been almost a year since I last posted to this blog. I would like to say that I have lost the weight and I'm feeling great. But, I didn't and I am not. I now weigh my all time high of 330 pounds and am not a bit happy about it. 2010 is going to be a stressful year for me. I am starting graduate school and work is very busy.

I am going to lose 55 pound this year to get to my 275. That is only step one of this ongoing saga that is my health. Anyway, I have also checked into having bypass surgery, but to me that is giving up and I don't think that I am ready to do that. I am stronger then this, I just need to take it one day at a time and "onward and downward"

Let's do this.

Been gone for awhile...

As far as the caffeine thing goes... I no longer drink all of the coffee that I used to. I still do have some caffeine, but not nearly as much as I used to. I would say I am having 1/2 cup reg and 1/2 cup decaf per day. I am going to try and eliminate this all together, as I can sense that I am starting to regress.

My 32nd birthday is coming in about 3 weeks, and I am back over 300 pounds. I maxed out at 308.5 this time and then I got a nasty sinus infection and my weight dropped to 302.5. This morning I topped the scales at 304. What does this mean? This means that I need to step up my diet and exercising efforts.

I received a call from my doctor that my blood sugar was a little high last time. This frightened me due to the fact that many of my family members are type 2 diabetics. I have a physical scheduled for July and I am going to come up with some goals. More on this later, but I have the number 275 stuck in my head, is that doable for July? Obviously I have bigger goals in mind, but I want to set intermediate goals along the way.

Can anyone recommend any good cookbooks? I am looking for quick easy and healthy meals. Thanks in advance.

Caffeine Update:

I haven't had a cup of coffee since the end of last week. I am drinking herbal tea and water, and crystal light (stopping the artificial sweeteners might be December's goal). I have occasionally had some Diet Doctor Pepper, but when I have been going out to eat I have been drinking water. The teas that I have been drinking are naturally decaffeinated.

I have had some intense headaches and I have crashed some times in the afternoon, but I am sleeping better and I am getting tried earlier at night. I don't know if this is due to the lack of caffeine, or because I have been so busy. Either way, i'll take it.

New Challenge: Giving up caffeine.

I have been having a very difficult time getting up in the mornings. I attribute this to many reasons: I eat crap. I eat more crap later at night. I drink too much coffee and Diet Dr. Pepper, and I hardly exercise. So this is what I propose to myself.

Start by gradually decreasing the amount of caffeine that I consume each day. Typically in the mornings I have been making 7 cups of coffee. I drink 2 cups in my car on the way too work and then I have a huge mug that holds around 4.5 cups that I drink the rest of the day. Oh wait, it gets better. Then for lunch I usually have 1 can of DDP. Then if I go out to dinner, I will have more diet coke. Now combine this with my diet and there is no doubt that I am having trouble getting up in the mornings.

So here is my plan. For the next week I am only going to have 2 cups of coffee at work. I am going to make 2 cups of tea in the morning that I can drink on my drive to the office. Additionally, I am going to drink more crystal light iced tea. When I go out to eat. If I can't get decaf diet coke then I am going to drink water.

My long term goal is to lessen the crystal light consumption as well and replace that with water.

The real motivation for this change is my sleeping habits. So, I am going to make some changes in the way that I eat at night and if I get the hunger pangs late, I will supplement that with a piece of fruit, hot tea, and water.

I am going to go for gradual changes first, I can't handle total caffeine withdraw all at once.

I think that this will help me with my 3 PM grogginess as well.

So, today so far I have had my 2 cups of coffee, and that is about it. As always the real test is when I go home. I was going to stop at the store on my way home anyway to pick up some more coffee, but now I don't have to. I already have tea at home.

So, for the month of November.... I am giving up almost all caffeine. Let's do this.